Milk Star, 2024
Another Word for Hole, 2024
Glass Poem, 2024
Grounding Exercise, 2023
Milk Star, 2024
Another Word for Hole, 2024
Glass Poem, 2024
Grounding Exercise, 2023
Milk Star, 2024
published by hooops, 2024, Berlin DE
four modes
shedding
absorbing
remembering
conserving
three settings
Mountain
Valley
Mountain-and-Valley
memory works like a weed growing roots in one place and blowing seeds to another
sky changes color
forms loose definition
insomnia
at night i remember stuff
eins
zwei
drei
vier
fünf
sechs
sieben
acht
neun
zehn
a faint beat
my body grows heavier
i become a vague presence
falling asleep falling awake
leaking into another world
waves will catch you
instruction:
breathe in, breathe out
drink your tea
i see pickled daisies
i see freshly foraged nettle
i see the grass dancing
i see blooming lilacs
i see food being flowers
i see flowers being food
a bunch of blooming dandelions in a glass vase
their white fuzzy seeds almost glowing
artemis didnt want to get married to a man
and was banned from the city
to live in the mountain forests with a group of nymphs
being a major lesbian
she is also the goddess of a NASA program
that is dedicated to return astronauts to the lunar surface
“Our success will change the world”
Artemis Generation ™
mugwort likes a wasteland
it lives in cracks and next to the highway
we drink the tea and go to sleep
we are standing in the kitchen
i am making Roasted Dandelion Root Tea
dandelion
milk witch
white wandering seeds
ghost of a flower
white fuzz
i read in thea lenarduzzis “Dandelions”
the delicate white flowers are used as an analogy for the mind transformed by alzheimers
“decay of a flowering brain
pollinating the world”
she tells me she recently learned that
at 20 weeks
a fetus with an uterus has a fully developed reproductive system
with six to seven million eggs
the egg that later grew into me
was already present in my mothers
before my mothers belly
the egg that later grew into my mother
was already present in my mother
before my mother
before my mothers belly
anna
christina
marguerite
louise
this is already where my knowledge of the line ends
a few weeks ago
i turned the same age
my mother had when she was growing me
i read online that after starting the menstrual cycle
a person loses about 1,000 immature eggs every month
on extendfertility.com
i learn that this number even accelerates with age
accelerates, in italics
“the good news is
that egg freezing makes use of some of those
otherwise lost eggs”
reading more about this i learn
that when pregnancy does not occur
the egg is absorbed back into the body
and the thick lining in the uterus is shed
this is the period
after the period ends
the cycle begins again
a body bleeding
a seed
a stone
a stone being a seed being a body bleeding
i wonder if the eggs are actually lost
if they are just absorbed back into my body
search terms: past, present, dream
living the dream
putting some dreams on ice
a long time ago you sent me a postcard
with a drawing by paul klee
Vergesslicher Engel
forgetful angel
the angel looks down
slightly embarrassed
paul klee drew over 80 angels
they signified
a crossing
a portal
a transition from life to death
i lost so many memories i had of the mother before my mother
Grossmami i called her
when i started writing this text
i had even forgotten for a moment
that she died of alzheimers
growing up i knew she was not a kind mother
to my mother
i remember
being in the laundry room
i loved the cool stone floor
and I liked being down there
the room was filled with light
and you could step out
and be in the middle of the flower garden
i remember grossmami mending my doll gleisi
in an attempt to give her a tan
i had placed gleisi on the stove and burned her
instead of a face there was white fuzzy wool coming out of her head
grossmami gave her a new face and she explained to me that it looked neat
to place one of gleisis braids in the front
and one in the back
i remember grossmami
not being able to walk up the stairs of the house
she spent her time in a hospital bed in the TV room
i dont remember if grossmami remembered me
white fuzz
cloud thoughts
brain fog
we enter through a narrow door into a roomaccompanied by our guidethey are completely dressed in whitethey lead us through a corridor through a door and sit us down on two plastic chairsthey ask us to focus our eyes onto the screen at all timeswe see a baby bird falling down a cliffit falls and falls we see it fall and fallit falls and fallsthe small feathery body bangs against rocks and is thrown around
cutwe see a naked pregnant person kneeling in the grasswe see a baby head being pushed out of their vaginawe see them holding a crying baby
cut
the guide comes back in and asks us questions about parenthoodthey ask us about our individual reproductive desires and predicaments
one thing you should never do is attempt to summon angels
they wont relate
demons are more understanding
angels are endless
and outside human time and emotions
they will never empathize
they are strict and unyielding
they come to us with messages but they dont text
you learned this from a witch who learned it on tiktok
they have no individuality and no story
nothing to choose from
the moment they choose
they fall out of the skies
like lucifer,
falling for
a morning star
we gather on a blanket by the water
and i read you this poem i found
Summer, Lake
You can’t fish
for light, or
You can, but
you have to
throw it back.
above us birds circling
they move as a cloud and take a rest in a tree
a helicopter turning
the clouds are dark
the water is murky
with spots of pollen floating
like there was an oil spill
another word for “seedbank”
#girlmoss
you can cook whatever you want but it should be small cute bites instagramable
looking at the clouds
learning names for leaves
im just vibing over here
my desire to conserve seeds and eggs
what happens to a seed vault built into permafrost
once when the permafrost melts
how much rent do i have to pay for my eggs
to be stored off-site
the mother
before my mother
before my mother
was louise bergundtal
which translates into mountain-and-valley
i never knew about this name before
and I love it for the balance it carries
balance being something
I am always searching for
equilibrium
Berg und, and
being a bridge connecting the mountain to the valley
louise bergundtal had two children
a daughter
my mothers mother – margaret
and a son which name my mother does not remember
she tells me to ask my uncle
louise lost her son in a climbing accident
while he was out in the mountains
she heard violent knocking on the window
but no-one was there
that was when he fell
we are walking through the gardenthe grass is stretched widegeorg, the “earth worker” (dad) asks me about the different plants and trees we are passinghe shows me how to tell them apart and he tells me many times which ones to never!!! put in my mouth
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆
MilkstarLilyoftheValleyNightshade
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆
since then so much time has passed and it became more important to read other languages than the language of leaves
so it moved into the back of my mind
theres pollen gathering on my phone screen as i write this
a fine layer of yellow dusty stars
i live so much closer to the sky now
Glass Poem, 2024
with Tiiu Meiner, read during OOOReading: Building With Words, Nieuwe Instituut, 2024, Rotterdam NL
ONE
Earth was late to orbit Sun
(she’s still on pre-history time)
we write ourselves into you, you reading,
circling, like the hand of a clock
we are your mother clocking center
prism baby, you refract,
do you still have space for us in your pop-corn brain?
we do not perpetuate Linear Time & Linear Time does not perpetuate us
only moments
passing through
this surface
but time exfoliates and begins again
today we leap
TWO
empty / filled with designed progress
this glass is with daddy’s money
filled / empty with sweet pink brains
dependent
bank account check
again
the glass, this glass could break any moment with an ambitious knock
so glassy
so glossy
but hide the grass stain, the glass stain
stuck
we are snakes eating ourselves in this glass jar
hungry/self-employed
this project ends
but time exfoliates and begins again
THREE
& there is water dripping
in our bedroom: room for rent with fountain feature,
marketing with mouthfuls of black mold
they don’t show this at the Biennale
rain circulates this planet since before mitochondria
figured life out
super fantastic water gymnastic swimming classes
start at 5pm
in the archives when they flood,
will I be a good fossil?
clock check
again
this circle is a clock cult
put a lid on it put a lid on us
before we all go bad
did anyone check the expiration date for this
compost choreography
corruption site
brothy boiling cesspit
in this fridge: tupperwares of air and spit
but begins again time exfoliates and
& so i do & so idea
FOUR
its hot
your hot
my hot
is it hot
all the ice melting between us
back into the sea
earth drama is trending in your area
deep time make-out session
you drink a glass of dinosaur spit
when we are done
she feels kind of oceanic lately
her tide is late
she is incubating
this air is the biggest collective project we participate in
breathe into this glass jar canto
— a panting choir
a mist of words becomes a lake over time,
becomes drained over time, becomes jacuzzi water
over time
dear guest,
SORRY for the inconvenience
the whirlpool is currently broken
to save on the energy bill
slimy, sticky, lubricated memory of this moment
steamy
petri-dish
disassociate
exfoliate
FIVE
meet us at the hydration station at the networking drinks
for collaborative incubation think tanking—
sincerely sinking
in the sink
a spill, a spell of sorts
HR says
breathe in
breathe out
a scam artist walking
towards the edge
looking at us
processing at us
encrypting us in its memory
NPC— empty
glances, gestures, games, goals
(de)forming
skin-care routine check
exfoliate
SIX
in the dark our throat is not much different from a drain
the drain is blocked
did anyone ask what the plumber dreams about?
time passes slower if you’re not having fun
everything is waiting just for us
, no rush :)
it ends we end
but time exfoliates and
Grounding Exercise, 2023
performed at auftakt festival, 2023, Cologne DE
read at Feminist Frequencies, Radio Echo x Radio Worm, 2024, Rotterdam NL
2 modes
build
fail
In geology, petrification
is the process
by which organic material
becomes a fossil
through the replacement
of the original material
and the filling
of the original pore spaces
with minerals
petrified wood typifies this process
but all organisms
from bacteria to vertebrates
can become petrified
For if your eyes
are petrified in amazement
she will turn you to stone
layer
upon layer
upon layer
upon layer
Instruction:
Take a stone in one hand and some sand in your other hand
Imagine how the stone in your hand turns into sand
Imagine how the sand in your hand
turns into stone
What are you turning into?
We are walking down the streets
they are so familiar
I’ve seen them countless times
I see statues on facades and
young beheaded women on fire escapes
every window of every shop
looks like a gallery
i look and look
blue sky is creeping
through the buildings
the yellow streetlights against the blue
make me happy and anxious
we are crossing sides
i make fun of you walking faster
on this side of the Atlantic
you turn back with a grumpy smile
we arrive at the bakery
named after a Sicilian volcano
A crack in a stone
A crack in a bone
A crack in a stone
A crack in a bone
A crack in a stone
A crack in a bone
A crack in a stone
A crack in my bone
At the gym
I am working to turn myself into stone
performing a scripted choreography
position, lift
position, lift
pause
repeat: position, lift
position, lift
pause
repeat: position, lift
position, lift
I learn that
muscles will only grow
if they are first
broken down
to sculpt a body
to break down
entire areas of muscles
to work these areas
to failure
controlled gestures
same weights
same reps
same sets
destroy
demolish
collapse
crumble
rebuild
I WATCH CLOUDS PASS BY
HEAR STONES CRACK
It took me a while
to find them
but then I did
We had been walking
for a long time
until we finally
reached the forest
The deeper
we got into the forest
the darker
and darker it became
The spaces between
the trees grew larger
Green turned into gray
The ground covered with petrified
melted rock
no animals nowhere
We walked silently
through this fossil of a forest
past crystalline stone formations
and calcified foliage
As the sun transforms
from a streak of light on the horizon
into a sphere
we gather
to summon our powers
We move inside
a rock formation
Slowly we all kneel down
As my knees hit the floor
I feel a light sting on the kneecaps
and move slightly
to be more comfortable
We spread our arms wide
in front of us
the fingers close together
There is no talking between us
but we are connected
by a faint humming
passing from one member of the group to the next
The wind whirls up dust
the sky changes colors
The sun suddenly seems very close
Our humming intensifies
The ground cracks
Shifts
I can hear the song of ringing rocks traveling through the air
Every sound becomes a voice
After a while
small spots of burning ash
start to appear
on the tips
of the standing rocks
The glow spreads
traveling down the stones
Smoke rises
the glow leaves pulsating traces
on the stones
forming a tight net of heat
dissolving all the rocks
Melting down the entire landscape constructions and concepts
Past
Present
Future
After the meltdown
I look at pictures of petrified forests online
I screenshot them
and save them in a folder called “FUTURE”
I keep thinking about a short story
I read a while ago
about a person consumed by grief slowly transforming into stone
her body crystallizes
toughens
I look at an influencer wearing a shirt
that says the keys
to physical and spiritual health
with pictures of healing stones
set up in a grid
We sit down for lunch, there is
some anxiety about being perceived
by others who are also sitting down
drinking their filter coffees and having their pastries[a][b]
We tell the dog to lie down
and tell him he is a good boy
The waiter comes and brings us water
and advises my friend to order that dish
instead of the other
they’ll get more for their money
She comes back and brings us
our orders and says
its so funny my friend has a dog
that looks exactly like this dog
and the dog is called
Medusa
and it’s strange
cause I study greek mythology
and know that
Medusa
is a woman actually
and how weird
to call a dog who is a boy
Medusa
We laugh
and tell her it's actually our dog
and medusa is also the word for jellyfish
jellywish
Let flowering weeds grow up
in the whole in your side
fitness journey
running journey
sculpting journey
tracking milestones
Turn me to stone
Turn me to stone
Turn me to stone
early vases and stone-cravings
depict
Medusa
as having been born
a Gorgon
but that slowly changes
according to Ovid
Medusa
was once
a beautiful young maiden
with amazing hair
the only mortal of three sisters known
as the Gorgons
her beauty catches the eye
of the sea god Poseidon
who rapes her in the sacred temple
of Athena
furious at the desecration of her temple
Athena curses
Medusa
turns her into a monster
turns her beautiful hair
into venomous snakes
turns her eyes into weapons
from now on
whoever looks upon her face will
turn to stone
Turn me to stone
Turn me to stone
Turn me to stone
Fill me up with your minerals
You tell me
you talked to
this guy at a party in L.A. who
has a classic poodle
with a vibration collar
and how it did wonders for his dog
who was also reactive
I wonder
if it actually did wonders for the dog
sounds like it mostly
made life easier for the guy
and I wonder
if our lives with others
are supposed to be easy
and also
how much we can sculpt
the animals surrounding us
She asks me
what are my plans for the night
I tell her
I have to get my dog from my friend
and i ask her if she has a pet
she tells me she had a bird
a real bird
he died last year from a heart attack
a door slammed shut loudly
and he got scared and fell on the floor
and was pretend dead
completely frozen
and that’s how he died
because he wasn’t breathing enough
She says I have beautiful hair
and recommends a hair mask
(additional €5)
I say no
She recommends a conditioner (additional €3)
I say no
She recommends getting highlights
to hide the white streaks
I say no
she says that's a first
She cuts the tips of my hair
so it falls in soft layers again
the ends fall to the ground like feathers
I remember
mom refers to hair as feathers
in her mothers tongue
The overall chemical composition
of hair is
45 % carbon
28 % oxygen
15 % nitrogen
7 % hydrogen
5 % sulfur
no minerals
although eating minerals helps
with hair growth
she tells me I should come back in eight weeks
to cut the ends
The platform I booked
the appointment through keeps
sending me reminders
to rate my experience
three stars, it was ok
she calls me on the phone to ask me
what she could do better
she refuses to get three stars
she wants five
*****
LOOK AT THE MEDUSA
SHE’S BEAUTIFUL
AND SHE’S LAUGHING
i am thinking about
last night's dinner
with your high school friends
how they each have
a clear path carved out
how they set one foot
after the other
your friend tells us
about her wedding at the zoo
how it can’t rain
because then they’d have to do
the ceremony with the rhinoceros
and that’s going to be a bit smelly
she shows us her dress
gorgeous leaves
draped around her beautiful body
i ask if the leaves will be glued onto her
no she says it’s invisible mesh
our 2 hour slot at the restaurant is up so
we take our fortune cookies mine says
the fortune you seek can’t be found in this cookie
we are walking to Annie’s Crisis Bar
people are singing loudly around a piano
i feel i want to belong to them
your friends are talking about
living in capitalism instead of under
A crack in a stone
A crack in my bone
How did you sleep
Like a rock
10/10
Started at the gym yesterday
what did you do
full body tested all the things there
yay exciting
yaaa so nice
have always had so much social anxiety there
before
so was never possible to be present
ugh yes
gym anxiety
hot face emoji
I WATCH CLOUDS PASS BY
HEAR STONES CRACK
A crack in a stone
A crack in my bone
i tell you how i feel i am
lacking this clear vision of a path
how i am wondering
if there will even be a world in 30 years
how i don’t know
how to carve a path for my life
how the air seems to turn to stone
kiss the stones
crushed little stars
keep turning
compost memories
creatives are the new athletes lol
After we send various
ssense links to each other with
workout outfits
I see you on tinder
and immediately swipe left
My friend says how rude
you should always
swipe your friends right
so next time I see your picture
I swipe the other way and we match
At school
we run into each other by the elevators and smile awkwardly
your friend is standing next to you
and I feel
like it's high school all over again
You come over
and you text me you are wearing
rain pants and I am not to laugh about it
You take them off in the elevator
I cook and we listen to music
You feel so shy
and you make me feel shy
and it's impossible to touch each other
The dog sitter texts: is it ok if we take his harness off while we are at home?
your italian friend says she was dripping
and fell to the ground
and we talk about the humiliation
of falling in public space
drop by drop
by drop by drop
by drop
Mom sends pictures of the garden
she tells me the bumblebees
are making a comeback
there is actually nothing to worry about
instruction:
place your body close to the ground
be still and hold your breath
endure the forces of erosion
do not react to changes in
weather
atmosphere
season
be moved don’t move
A crack in a stone
A crack in my bone
i sit in the sun next to you
we are eating rainbow cookies
and you hold my hand
i think how i love how your hand
feels in mine
people are passing by
looking precious and sculpted
we enter a bookstore
i open a book on a random page
it says
this shore
of stones
remains
it feels like a warning
every stone is simultaneously
intact and broken
a singular stone as well as a mountain
an entire planet
Can you answer me
no
Can you answer me
no
Can you answer me
no
I am learning
to run quickly
with lightness and grace
and without falling
i can’t fall apart
because i’ve never fallen together
no feelings, just vibes